The Secret Garden/Sometimes I learn things

         This is me rambling in an attempt to figure out why this show(The Secret Garden @ HCTO) meant so much to me. It closed last night, until this weekend I was ready for it to close(That usually happens with 7 week runs) I went out with cast members a grand total of one time, including rehearsals(That's from the middle of February till June 2nd) I wasn't single cast(Aka performing every night, I performed every other night, Tues, Thurs, and Saturdays) I didn't even have a show flirt, just a designated show crush!(Show crushes are officially tradition for me, that's 6 in a row now!) These are all the reasons I shouldn't be attached to this show, but I am.

The people in this show...all helped me grow. I didn't realize that until now. They helped teach me to feel love again, which is something I am generally reluctant to do. This was the most special cast I've ever been a part of. Not only was every single person phenomenally talented, they loved this show just as much if not more than I do(Just realizing how much that is, I'm totally on the point of crying, which means I'm basically balling) At call backs, I assumed I wouldn't make it, there was just so much talent I figured I would fall by the way side. No shame in it, sometimes I'm just not good enough. I have a good voice, I think I'm a good actor, but sometimes I'm just not the most talented. I'm okay with that, it's gonna happen. This isn't something that comes naturally to me....but you know what? I made it in. Not only did I make it in, but I could go toe to toe with everyone in this cast, it was good knowing that.

 I never realized it, but going into this show I was hard. I left no room to let my emotions be. Luckily I was in  a show that was all about healing. It took me 6 weeks of rehearsal and 7 weeks of performances, but I think I finally got the message. I was able to experience the beauty that everyone else saw. This show teaches about how it's never too late to grow. There are so many lessons to be learned from this beautiful script, but this one was mine. In my head, the whole story was about me, learning to love and forgive myself so that I could be forgiven. My character and I had to learn the same lessons. Luckily in real life I never went so far as killing a whole room of people, but the same lessons nevertheless. No matter how hard you are, no matter what walls you hide behind, whether they be anger, fear, hate, or whatever, there's always a secret garden inside. It might be wick, but one day with someone to care for it it will be beautiful. There's always hope, for, "Miracles have been known to happen." Just hold on.