Genuineness, not genuity(Sounds way better)

I've had several talks about genuineness in the last week or so. This is weird to me because I don't think I was the one that brought any of them up. Presumably I must have lead to them somehow seeing as how I'm the only link between these people. The talks about genuineness all were very different despite being about the same topic. I just want to share some of the things said(whether by myself or the other people I don't remember who said them. I only remember the ideas)

My first talk was in therapy last Friday. I'm a very self conscious person. I'm also a very borderline ADD person. As I explained it to my therapist, it's very difficult for me to give my full attention to one thing because of the fact that I'm so easily distracted. I have an obsessive tendency in me(surprise!) This tendency when...divulged(may not be the right word) in conversation can be a very good thing. Except for the fact that once my full attention is activated, if I AM distracted my full attention leaves the person, the conversation, everything behind. As such, the majority of my conversations I divide my attention 80/20. I distract myself just a little tiny bit so that I can put the large majority of my attention towards the person I want to pay attention to...At least that's why I tell myself I do it. While that's partly true, I think another part of it is the fact that I'm scared of commitment(Trust me, devoting myself entirely to anything, even a conversation, is horrifying to me. That's not something I take lightly, probably due to something like...an obsessive tendency/perfectionism/fear of failure/lack of confidence in myself/a million little things that help make me me and all the little crazies that come along with being me.) As such, there are still some conversations and some people that I get so wrapped up in that I DO devote 100% of my attention to it/her/him/whatevs. These are the things that fascinate me. These are things I'm fully present for, these are things that light up my life and bring me joy. Music, for me, especially when performing is the perfect combination of something I can devote myself fully to without care while being able to lose myself. I love things that let my brain float away and not care.(When your mind is something that is obsessive, letting go is a BIG deal. It's a self medication that can lead to dangerous things, true, but it also lets me recharge so that I can let myself obsess over the things that matter) In case you haven't noticed, I'm rambling a little bit but that's okay, it's my blog! :p Still, these things are totally on topic because these are the roadblocks that prevent me from being that genuine person I long to be. At times in my life, that has been one of my strongest...virtues(is that the right word?) As such my current blocks are something that I strongly detest and wish to obliterate, identifying is a strong part of that.

My second conversation was last night with a good friend of mine who is truly one of the most genuine people I know. As such, someone who fears true genuineness, he seems one of the strongest, most courageous people I know. Strangely, I realized this while talking about the genuineness of someone else with my friend. We were at the concert of Dallyn Bayles in the Keller's back yard house concert. Recently I wrote of the Secret Garden and why I felt like it was so amazing, and why it was one of the hardest shows to let go. These two people were a large part of that. Dallyn was one of the leads in that show, his genuineness is very apparent when performing and as such connects with everyone listening, sort of listening, or even someone that just hears it in the back round of their crazy mind while trying to Shut the Box(stupid box) At his concert last night I once again was able to just bask in that spirit that was made even stronger by his connection to his wife and another truly genuine spirit in Michelle Booth(She was amazing)

As amazing as the performers were last night, the most amazing part was discussing all of this with my friend Barrett who has a spirit just as strong and ever present as any of the people I've mentioned. In watching him and getting to know him over the last 4 months I've been able to see him grow in a way that mirrors and surpasses all I've grown in the last few months. He's one of the reasons this has been on my mind. He may or may not read this, I don't know.

This post has gone a totally different way than I imagined, but apparently this is how I felt. This is what I felt like talking about...maybe. If not, I'll write another one! What I'm trying to say is that being genuine and ever present... It's one of the keys of putting yourself in position to be happy. It by itself may or may not ever lead to happiness, I can't make that promise. Everything in this world has the potential for true happiness. Nothing by itself can MAKE you happy. All the right choices in the world only set you up to be happy. That doesn't mean it'll come.

As such, here are some of the things that help to be genuine and present.

  Lose the ego, surrender yourself: When worrying over the next thing to say, or how to make someone laugh, or whatever. You take yourself away from the situation. You separate yourself from the person attempting to connect with you. Surrender yourself to the whims of fancy and conversation and you may have one of the most meaningful or nonsensical conversations you've ever had. Either way, you'll enjoy yourself.

Be Confident: Losing yourself and your ego requires confidence, not arrogance. This one is a little different. My therapist helped define confidence to me thusly: Confidence bring other people up, arrogance puts others down. Being a confident person in a genuine way empowers others, uplifts them and helps them be genuine as well.

Make the Effort: Look them in the eyes. If you don't know them as well, show them you care. If you don't care yet, make the effort to find something to care about. Find something you ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT.

Honesty: Surprise! Being honest is a really important part of being genuine, that's why it's part of the definition! Genuineness requires trust on both ends. Trust requires honesty. People can tell when people are being fake, even if they don't know it.

There's a million other things you could do to be genuine. If everyone were in a position to be genuine people with each other. This world would be in a much better place than it is. It's hard not to love a genuine person and when you're a genuine person with an honest care for the other person it's hard to deny that love in yourself. Genuine people have an overabundance of love because when you really connect with people you feel loved, and feeling loved allows to share that love with everyone else. There's a reason a smile is contagious!

This is something I'm trying to learn myself, maybe I'll tell you how it goes or maybe if we're lucky enough I'll be able to show you that it's going well! Either way, it's gonna be a grand adventure!