Believe in the you that I believe in.

This is inspired by the above quote from an anime whose(which name?) I cannot remember. A thought from my therapist about telling one of my stories and a discussion with Tzeitel from my cast of Fiddler on the roof about perception being reality.

In our discussion, I was arguing for the point of perception being reality. The point we agreed on was that perception was practically reality. After rehearsal(aka, lying in my bed trying to sleep) I was thinking on that subject further. In my mind I decided that perception is what reality will become. My specific example to prove my point was that a man that gave off the appearance of confidence differs not at all from a man who truly has confidence. With further thinking, I believe that on the outside this is true. The difference comes from the frailty of the one sharing the appearance versus the person who is truly confident...

This is where perception starts becoming reality though; for when a person you trust believes in that appearance of confidence to be a reality you can then, through that person of trust, believe in the you that they believe in. When you can accept that the persona you've been portraying is a part of you, that perception starts to realize.

This is where my story comes in. In my life, I have often played the person of confidence because it was much simpler(and safer) than sharing and being my insecurities. I've often lamented over the fact that I didn't have the confidence or strength to do the things I wanted to. Yet... I also look back at all the things I have done. And the things I never thought I would be able to do. Still, I worry about the fine balance between confidence and arrogance.

This.. is my favorite discovery today in my intellectual journey. Believing in the you that I believe in, and what that actually means. Being a person that has proffered up a facade of confidence to others, even those I trust.  I have been able to start believing in the person that they see me as. Not stressing out at not being that person, but finally being able to find that person within myself. To believe in me that they see and believe in. This is the difference between confidence and arrogance. When one has confidence, whether acquired through faith in others that leads to a faith in yourself or simply being born with a faith in yourself, it inspires more trust and faith. Arrogance, is based in a pride in yourself; it's more like a hyper-display of confidence. It's the point where rather than having faith in yourself or those around you, it's pride that you're superior.

The dictionary definitions themselves are very telling signs. 


Arrogance has one definition: Offensive display of superiority or self-importance; overbearing pride.


Confidence? 8, each one dealing with other people. It's a selfless word. Each definition uses words like faith, trust, and belief. A person that has confidence has faith, trust, and belief in another person. 


That's why it's so exciting that in my story, I can accept these things. Despite the fact that I continue to doubt myself at times, I can accept that I have faith, trust, and belief in those close to me. I can believe in the me that they believe in.