Once upon a time, I worked at a high school. I hated my job, I really did. OH WAIT! That's right now... OH WELL
That was a really good segue into what I wanted to write about, which is who were you in high school? (BOOM, MIND BLOWN at how good that segue was.)
For me? I was the weirdest combination of overachiever and slacker, snobby and friendly, shy and outgoing, and probably most of the opposites you can think of. The reason I've been thinking of this? I work in a high school duh! Oh, and I've been talking to one of the teachers who's room I clean about her students and how I was in high school. Which was the kind of student she loves or hates the most(This once again sounds familiar) Seriously though, to be frank, I'm smart, I'm attentive(most of the time) I'm a deep thinker(some of you may have discovered this for the first time on my blog, Zack, I'm looking at you :p ) I TRULY love learning, I always have. Yet... I was truly a slacker. Don't get me wrong, I worked hard at being a slacker, but I was definitely a slacker. I made my own rules and lived by them, my rules said that if I did well on the tests I was learning what I needed to learn. To be honest though, if I didn't do well I started putting even LESS effort into the class. (It's not a rare occurrence for me to want to go back and punch high school Justin in the face. He was a punk.)
And...then I got distracted by facebook and I don't remember where I was going with this...
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If you can't tell, that was me sticking my tongue out at you.
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RIGHT! So, I hoped you enjoyed that brief intermission...
Okay, so I was a punk in high school, right? OKAY, I'm gonna be honest here, I don't remember where I was going so we're going in a whole new direction. Probably, unless this was what I intended I can't remember so I can't really deny whether or not it was.
But I don't think it was..
Do you ever go back through your life and wish things had happened differently? Are there choices in your life that you wonder who would be if you hadn't made this particular decision?! This is why Sci-Fi absolutely fascinates me. For me, the biggest decision that has the most profound and infinite impact on my life was the decision to quit football and join marching band. Most people when they hear that make fun of me at least a little bit, which is fair, for in the normal scheme of high school social hierarchy that's the wrong direction. For me though, it changed my life in a truly infinite and immeasurable way. The people I talk to most in my life, who's presence in my life(aside from my family) is the most important and impacting of my life can be traced directly to band and marching band.
...But what if I had stayed in football? My marching band probably tried to enforce academic eligibility.. but I didn't ever get punished for having terrible grades. Football though? If I wanted to play football my mother would not have had to help me do 20ish packets the last term of my senior year and I'm pretty sure I would have been cleared to graduate much sooner than 20 minutes before the deadline. I like to think I would have been good at it, I have the desire, and I feel, capacity, to be good at everything I do. I was pretty athletic back then(I know, hard to believe, right?) I could run really well, and I LOVED hitting people. It just felt good to knock the snot out of someone, y'know? Who knows what might have happened? Maybe I would have been good enough someone somewhere would have said, hey! You're good, come play for us, we'll give you a scholarship. Or maybe I might not have even ever played in high school, I really don't know; but there's a part of me that would give up what I have just to find out! Maybe it would be better, maybe it wouldn't. I might have ended up right where I am doing theater anyways(because I DID discover my love for theater before I quit football) Maybe someone would have recruited me to come play for them and I'd be a college graduate right now working somewhere.
These are the things that I obsess about sometimes. I love and hate what if's. They're the things that cause me the most anxiety and they're what brings the most hope into my life. It's the question that drives me forward as much as it holds me back. What holds YOU back? What makes you, you?
That was a really good segue into what I wanted to write about, which is who were you in high school? (BOOM, MIND BLOWN at how good that segue was.)
For me? I was the weirdest combination of overachiever and slacker, snobby and friendly, shy and outgoing, and probably most of the opposites you can think of. The reason I've been thinking of this? I work in a high school duh! Oh, and I've been talking to one of the teachers who's room I clean about her students and how I was in high school. Which was the kind of student she loves or hates the most(This once again sounds familiar) Seriously though, to be frank, I'm smart, I'm attentive(most of the time) I'm a deep thinker(some of you may have discovered this for the first time on my blog, Zack, I'm looking at you :p ) I TRULY love learning, I always have. Yet... I was truly a slacker. Don't get me wrong, I worked hard at being a slacker, but I was definitely a slacker. I made my own rules and lived by them, my rules said that if I did well on the tests I was learning what I needed to learn. To be honest though, if I didn't do well I started putting even LESS effort into the class. (It's not a rare occurrence for me to want to go back and punch high school Justin in the face. He was a punk.)
And...then I got distracted by facebook and I don't remember where I was going with this...
...
.... .....
/
--
.............
l l
U
If you can't tell, that was me sticking my tongue out at you.
...
RIGHT! So, I hoped you enjoyed that brief intermission...
Okay, so I was a punk in high school, right? OKAY, I'm gonna be honest here, I don't remember where I was going so we're going in a whole new direction. Probably, unless this was what I intended I can't remember so I can't really deny whether or not it was.
But I don't think it was..
Do you ever go back through your life and wish things had happened differently? Are there choices in your life that you wonder who would be if you hadn't made this particular decision?! This is why Sci-Fi absolutely fascinates me. For me, the biggest decision that has the most profound and infinite impact on my life was the decision to quit football and join marching band. Most people when they hear that make fun of me at least a little bit, which is fair, for in the normal scheme of high school social hierarchy that's the wrong direction. For me though, it changed my life in a truly infinite and immeasurable way. The people I talk to most in my life, who's presence in my life(aside from my family) is the most important and impacting of my life can be traced directly to band and marching band.
...But what if I had stayed in football? My marching band probably tried to enforce academic eligibility.. but I didn't ever get punished for having terrible grades. Football though? If I wanted to play football my mother would not have had to help me do 20ish packets the last term of my senior year and I'm pretty sure I would have been cleared to graduate much sooner than 20 minutes before the deadline. I like to think I would have been good at it, I have the desire, and I feel, capacity, to be good at everything I do. I was pretty athletic back then(I know, hard to believe, right?) I could run really well, and I LOVED hitting people. It just felt good to knock the snot out of someone, y'know? Who knows what might have happened? Maybe I would have been good enough someone somewhere would have said, hey! You're good, come play for us, we'll give you a scholarship. Or maybe I might not have even ever played in high school, I really don't know; but there's a part of me that would give up what I have just to find out! Maybe it would be better, maybe it wouldn't. I might have ended up right where I am doing theater anyways(because I DID discover my love for theater before I quit football) Maybe someone would have recruited me to come play for them and I'd be a college graduate right now working somewhere.
These are the things that I obsess about sometimes. I love and hate what if's. They're the things that cause me the most anxiety and they're what brings the most hope into my life. It's the question that drives me forward as much as it holds me back. What holds YOU back? What makes you, you?
So many questions here! I would love to get into great philosophical & simply intriguing life debates and discussions over all this with you. But my personal answers for this are too personal for me to want to respond. So if you ever desire/remember to ask in person we shall discuss. Otherwise I really don't have a comment here since I can't think of some wise answer that gives guidance of the future are understanding of the past.
ReplyDeleteI'd totally love to talk about it sometime! It was more of a rhetorical question, though for future people reading I would still love a response if you desire to give one! ^_^
DeleteAll answers with thought are wise answers, every path will be trod through time and every question will be asked and every one will need an answer!
My only thought are this: 1st sheepish grin for the call out (= 2nd I remember when you made the switch, I was confused but you had a long list of reasons why you did so I supported you then and I still support that choice.
ReplyDeleteWhat ifs are really fun. Like you, that's a major reason I enjoy SF.
ReplyDeleteBut don't get too caught up in them. There are hundreds of different paths we all could have chosen, some might have brought more joy to us and some less. But it's not worth feeling anxious over a choice that can't be changed. All we can do now is use our best judgment moving forward.
Todd and I have had a lot of discussions like this lately. There are a lot of steps between where I am now, and where I was a few years ago... Any number of those steps could have taken me to a whole different world.
ReplyDeleteI'm not really interested in the "what-ifs", but I do like looking at all of the events that got me where I am today. So many things that didn't feel connected at all, but all connected and created the path I am on now.
It's pretty amazing really.
I must admit I enjoyed watching you more on the football field marching with the band than I did watching you get mashed several times in an evening. Every time you would get hit I would yell something like "that's my little boy!" or "stop that!". They never really listened to me or cared what I was saying, but I got a lot of sympathy from other parents. I love that you have developed many of your talents and have tried many things. You are pretty awesome!
ReplyDelete