This is half self explanation and half self exploration. Basically... I plan on telling you about me by telling me about me. Sabe? Good. If not, just reread that until you get it. You'll get there eventually. If not, you can read on anyways and you'll probably get it in context. If you still don't get it, well you'll have joined me on my adventure anyways and had the fun with me anyways...so I guess what I'm saying is that it doesn't really matter if you did get it, does it?
Why I do theater, it's pretty simple right? I like when people look at me/pay attention to me, (seriously, want to make me feel good about myself/loved?) so being on stage is good. I like when people praise me, so when people applaud for me, is good. I like being validated so when people pay to see me on stage and then applaud my performance, this is also good. Seriously though, don't discount that part of why I do theater though it is the simplest. Me being me and having a very low view of myself, theater sets me right when I can't see what is right about myself.
This is where things become complex and convoluted.(sort of - it really comes down to one basic thing, but that's not a very fun blog to read, now is it?)
I love history. A lot. I love history because I love seeing how people react. I love human nature, it is the most fascinating subject to me. I love understanding things...especially people. I love analyzing(which I do NON STOP) analyzing...everything, especially about history and people. Why do people act the way they do throughout history? What makes them continue to go on? Why do peasants and serfs act the way they do and what makes kings, queens, emperors, Caesars/Tzars/Czars, Chiefs, Mayors, Governors, Representatives, Senators, Presidents, Prime Ministers, Chancellors or whoever act the way they do? (Did I miss any major governing title?) Is it power itself? Is it the greed or pride? Is it fear, hope, insanity? If I were them, would I act the same? If I were a poor milk man living around the turn of the 20th century on the plains of Ukraine and my daughter's wedding was attacked by the governing body because they were ordered to or feared my people? If given the opportunity for fame, fortune, and the love of my life..would I murder to ensure I keep it? Where would I stop for the things I love? If sensing an injustice in my land, would I seek out like minded people to lead a rebellion, or would I instead seek to live my life with the best way I know how, or would I seek to profit from the situation, or would I instead just seek justice at all costs?
You may or may not have noticed that those last 3 situations are from the musicals Fiddler on the Roof, Little Shop of Horrors, and lastly Les Miserables. Watching these things give me some insight into possibilities, performing as a character gives me opportunity and reason to delve into the possibilities of their lives. Their emotions, strengths weaknesses, desires, and fears.
I can be myself, I can be that weird guy in the corner...and get applauded for it. When asked if I get tired of hopping from show to show(which physically, I kind of do) I said no. Because it's the best form of therapy for me. It's where I can be me with no judgement. I can access the parts of me that I'm scared to show anyone in a safe environment. I can release my angers, I can share my joys, I can experience all the sorrows in my life and I can share it with hundreds if not thousands of peoples.
Then there's the fact that...it's my spiritual connection. It gives me hope, I can see the reality of all these characters and situations. I can accept them, believe in them, and they can give me hope. I can understand that sometimes evil wins. I can accept that sometimes people make horrible decisions in an attempt to do good. I can find God's presence in these characters and find a way to portray that to the audience. I can then find more love in my heart for all of God's children because we have all shared these experiences. Because of the the ability to be me, I can open my soul more fully, experience God's love and then help transfer that love to all those that are participating with me in this adventure every night.
...That's why I do theater, it's probably not all of it, but it's enough. I go on those adventures the same reason I write this blog. To be me, to feel accepted, to share my soul, to connect with myself and those around me, to search for God, and to find God's love when I find it. That's why I go on my adventures everyday, these adventures we call life.
Why I do theater, it's pretty simple right? I like when people look at me/pay attention to me, (seriously, want to make me feel good about myself/loved?) so being on stage is good. I like when people praise me, so when people applaud for me, is good. I like being validated so when people pay to see me on stage and then applaud my performance, this is also good. Seriously though, don't discount that part of why I do theater though it is the simplest. Me being me and having a very low view of myself, theater sets me right when I can't see what is right about myself.
This is where things become complex and convoluted.(sort of - it really comes down to one basic thing, but that's not a very fun blog to read, now is it?)
I love history. A lot. I love history because I love seeing how people react. I love human nature, it is the most fascinating subject to me. I love understanding things...especially people. I love analyzing(which I do NON STOP) analyzing...everything, especially about history and people. Why do people act the way they do throughout history? What makes them continue to go on? Why do peasants and serfs act the way they do and what makes kings, queens, emperors, Caesars/Tzars/Czars, Chiefs, Mayors, Governors, Representatives, Senators, Presidents, Prime Ministers, Chancellors or whoever act the way they do? (Did I miss any major governing title?) Is it power itself? Is it the greed or pride? Is it fear, hope, insanity? If I were them, would I act the same? If I were a poor milk man living around the turn of the 20th century on the plains of Ukraine and my daughter's wedding was attacked by the governing body because they were ordered to or feared my people? If given the opportunity for fame, fortune, and the love of my life..would I murder to ensure I keep it? Where would I stop for the things I love? If sensing an injustice in my land, would I seek out like minded people to lead a rebellion, or would I instead seek to live my life with the best way I know how, or would I seek to profit from the situation, or would I instead just seek justice at all costs?
You may or may not have noticed that those last 3 situations are from the musicals Fiddler on the Roof, Little Shop of Horrors, and lastly Les Miserables. Watching these things give me some insight into possibilities, performing as a character gives me opportunity and reason to delve into the possibilities of their lives. Their emotions, strengths weaknesses, desires, and fears.
I can be myself, I can be that weird guy in the corner...and get applauded for it. When asked if I get tired of hopping from show to show(which physically, I kind of do) I said no. Because it's the best form of therapy for me. It's where I can be me with no judgement. I can access the parts of me that I'm scared to show anyone in a safe environment. I can release my angers, I can share my joys, I can experience all the sorrows in my life and I can share it with hundreds if not thousands of peoples.
Then there's the fact that...it's my spiritual connection. It gives me hope, I can see the reality of all these characters and situations. I can accept them, believe in them, and they can give me hope. I can understand that sometimes evil wins. I can accept that sometimes people make horrible decisions in an attempt to do good. I can find God's presence in these characters and find a way to portray that to the audience. I can then find more love in my heart for all of God's children because we have all shared these experiences. Because of the the ability to be me, I can open my soul more fully, experience God's love and then help transfer that love to all those that are participating with me in this adventure every night.
...That's why I do theater, it's probably not all of it, but it's enough. I go on those adventures the same reason I write this blog. To be me, to feel accepted, to share my soul, to connect with myself and those around me, to search for God, and to find God's love when I find it. That's why I go on my adventures everyday, these adventures we call life.
It amazes me how many thespians have those reasonings in common. Everyone feels insecure, but thespians take it to a different level in themselves. We experience things differently, and I think search for a awareness a lot of people simply miss.
ReplyDeleteI appreciated what you have to say here, that is all.
ReplyDeleteGood boy
DeleteI just enjoy watching you perform whatever the reasons. I especially love your singing. I am very moved by your music. I appreciate the depth it brings and the joy it brings to me. Thanks for being you.
ReplyDelete