So once upon a time I was at work. I'm there a lot. Sadly. I was having a conversation with my favorite grandma. She said something to me, that might actually be true. If so, I blame it on my eldest brother. I got it from him. :p
She said I say things just to contradict people. This, I think is true. The important part to me, is WHY I do this. This is something that's important enough I think I should share. As you may or may not know, I'm part of a religion that is consistently and chronically accused of being "close minded" I didn't appreciate that accusation so I set out to make sure it wasn't true. I don't like being close minded. Now, be sure that I'm well aware of the fact that being controversial or contradictory is not being open minded but to be made aware of all there is about me I seek to question everything. I do mean EVERYTHING. Including my sanity, on a daily basis.
None of these things inherently lead to being a controversialist, true. The thing that leads to being a controversialist is this. If I can do it, everyone else MUST be able to do it. (This stems from a really weird self view. Mainly stemming from the fact that I think I'm nothing and that everyone else is basically godly, this gives me many issues. I know this, this is not what this blog is about) Since everyone SHOULD be able to do what I can do, that makes it hard for me when people cannot or do not. As such, I offer a lending hand. I point out the flaws that I see. Many people cannot handle this, including my ex-girlfriend Ms. Poopyfacebumcheesestupidface. I have a hard time understanding the people that cannot take that. That's a different issue. Others take this fact about me and use it to discuss and learn about ourselves and our thoughts on the universe. People that are very willing to listen to my controversial view usually have a rather profound discussion with me. It's awesome. Everyone else should be like that.
That is the things that make me a controversialist, but not WHY I am. The reason why I am is really quite simple. When you're constantly flexing, stretching, and ringing your mind attempting to look at every possible angle, leave no stone unturned, then it's quite impossible to not love someone. I like loving people, I really true, 100% honestly do. When you've torn apart your entire world view trying to understand someone, it's an incredible feeling. There are people I don't like, true. Because what I understand of them disturbs me. Or they frustrate me because they throw up these walls, or worst of all. Lie to me.
I've thought I was in love with at least a few girls when I realized all it was was the fact that they fascinated me. I'm pretty sure the girl I DO fall in love with for ever and ever and ever will fascinate me until the day I die. I've often thought that the girl I fall head over heels for will be someone I'll know to the core and yet be surprised everyday by something new. Basically, there's something awesome about doing everything possible to understand someone. The people I love most in my life are the ones that I require no thought to understand. I want more people in my life, I know that there is much more to friendships than just the mere understanding, but when someone puts that much effort into getting to know you it makes everything else much easier.
Just another lesson on this grand adventure called life.
