Things that make me giggle/happy.

Winning, seriously, If I'm ever doing amazing at a game, I start giggling.

People from Russia like my blog. Russia provides my blog with the 2nd most visitors(Though it's not quite close 5400 to 84.. COME ON RUSSIA, GET YOUR GAME ON!)

Russia is ahead of #3 Germany by 44 though, so go Russia!

UK and Canada come in at #'s 6 and 7. Come on English speaking countries, represent!

For the first 2000 page views(so like the first 2 1/2 years) Firefox had a 90% usage rate. Now they're at a declining 21% to Chrome's 65%.

The fact that people from over 12 countries have at least visited my blog. This makes me giggle.

People imitating my giggle, makes me giggle. Seriously, I have a funny laugh.

I make me giggle, I'm freaking hilarious.

Dumb people, when they do dumb things.

Boys acting like girls, this makes me giggle.

Dungeons and Dragons, the idea of it makes me giggle.

Playing it makes me so happy I giggle.

Attempting to adopt a Kobald as a pet while playing Dungeons and Dragons makes me giggle. (It's name was gonna be peggy, cuz he/she/it had a peg leg, someone killed her and made me very sad.)

The fact that when I play Dungeons and Dragons I'm a NINJA HALFING...That doesn't know how to Ninja. Seriously, missed a sleeping bear. I WAS STANDING OVER IT. It's cool Kane, someday you'll get this Ninja thing down.

My cat is crazy, this makes me giggle.

Torturing my cat in a very nice way that she doesn't like makes me giggle. (Nothing inhumane, but she is a punk and needs to know who's boss)

My t-shirts make me giggle. I have funny t-shirts, if you know me you know the truth of this statement. If you do not know me, we shall become friends and you will come to learn the truth of this statement.

Using big long unnecessary words makes me giggle.

Politics makes me giggle in a depressed sort of way. It's so SILLY and yet we're deciding who will lead our country, towns, and states. SILLY

My friends make me giggle, so much.

The word giggle makes me giggle.

The thought of midgets and monkeys makes me laugh. EVERY TIME. There's not even a picture associated with it in my head, just the two of em together makes me GIGGLE.

Being in a play, makes me giggle.

Acting like a girl makes me giggle.

Acting gay makes me giggle

Taking on the persona of Senor Fuego the Flaming makes me giggle. (An over the top gay stereotype impersonation of a Spanish Lumiere from Beauty and the Beast... I got bored back stage one day, okay?!)

The idea of me being mature enough to be in charge of even Junior High Students(Hence why El Fuego even exists)

The rememberence of when I was in another city in charge of junior high students. Don't worry, I did NOT have a heart attack, I call this winning which again makes me giggle.

This joke makes me giggle. A blonde walked into a bar and said ow.

This joke makes me giggle. An infinite number of blondes walk into a bar and say ow. ow ow. ow. ow. ow .ow .ow .ow .ow .ow .ow. ow. ow.  FOREVER <--- ME GIGGLING RIGHT NOW

Watching plays makes me giggle

Being in love makes me giggle.

Being in like makes me giggle.

Being twitterpated makes me giggle.

Having a show crush makes me giggle.

Pretending like my show crush is fake and ACTUALLY having a crush on said show crush makes me giggle.

Having an actual fake show crush makes me giggle.

Having a fake show crush that I pretend is real makes me giggle.

When a pretty girl smiles at me, I giggle.

When a really good friend winks at me I giggle(Male or female, let's be honest here)

Sticking my tongue out at random strangers makes me giggle.

When the stranger's child sticks their tongue out at me and gets caught by there parents I giggle.

Pretending the child started it makes me giggle.

Dancing makes me giggle.

I'm still giggling about that blonde joke.

OW. OW. OW. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Giggling again.

Pretending to hit on/hitting on one of my married friends jokingly. (Once again, let's be honest. Male or Female)

Trying to hold hands with my best friend Zack interdigitated style.

^_^ <--- THIS SMILEY! The story of how I found this smiley also makes me giggle!

Story time! Once upon a time I did this thing called playing World of Warcraft. I can't say that I was ever addicted to it, but I had fun. and I met this random person because well... I was being me. In Barrens chat. The place where noobs go to pretend they know what they're doing and for the people that know what they're doing to act like noobs. As such, I was in no man's land between knowing what I was doing and TRYING to act like a noob. (It's more fun that way) and I made a friend! We got know each other really well over the next few weeks. It was weird! But she was awesome, she was a stay at home mom with a new born and she got bored so we became good friends because there's an endless list of things that make me giggle. But moral of the story, she taught me that smiley and it's kind of changed my life. It's a smiley that's pretty much unique to me(and her). I never see anyone else use it! I love it! It makes me giggle ^_^

And last but not least, in fact, the very thought that inspired this entire post! (AND which I left off of the first go round) The fact that I had a visitor from both North and South Carolina within 24 hours of each other!

There's a million more things that make me giggle that I can't think of at the top of my head. But here is a pretty complex list of things that make me giggle. Maybe some of my gigglings will make you giggle too!

De Liebster Award

  So I was nominated for this award by Jeannie at One Wish Short of Paradise. Which is cool, I'm glad she enjoys my blog ^_^ Her friendship means a lot to me!

Some basic facts about the Liebster Award. Liebster means dearest in German. It's meant to highlight newer bloggers. Anyone with less than 200 follorwers. Some fun thoughts about what I could find about it's origins. It was original spread to 5 people(these things interest me)and there were no questions involved. But it's cool, so I'm still gonna do it!

Here are the basic rules to the game.

• Each person must post 11 things about themselves. 
• Answer the questions the nominator asked, and create 11 questions for your nominees to answer.
• Choose 11 people and link them in your post.
• Go to their page and tell them.

• No tag-backs. (You tagged back! I'm telling mom!)  

11 things about my self will either be way too hard or way too easy. Depending on what I feel like sharing today. (I'm not good at sharing things about myself)

1. Surprise! I do LOTS of theater! (You would never know that, because I never ever write about it on my blog. Right? (If you didn't get it, that was a little bit sarcastic; but! It's such an important part of who I am that I have to right it down which is something you may not have actually known.)

2. I strive to live my life like a 4 year old in all but dependency, but my mom is so awesome that when I do achieve a 4 year old's dependency she'll still take care of me. (Also, I try to avoid a 4 year old's hygiene)

3. I love people. I talking to them, I love sitting away from people just listening to them. I love sitting so far away from people that I can just watch them. I love hugging them, I love just being near people, I love watching people do stupid things, I love watching people astound me, I love when sometimes I see a girl and I'm literally dumbstruck by how gorgeous she is(happens more often than you'd think!)

4. I love playing dress up, either in costumes or just getting dressed really nice. I love looking good. When I dress up fancy I look in the mirror everytime and say, well flinkers Justin you look good

5. I enjoy making up swear/curse/interjection/expletive words.

6. I talk to myself. A LOT. I talk to myself in different accents(that's when it gets embarrassing because then it's out loud) Sometimes I have conversations with myself, which also merits responding out loud at times. My brain never stops going.

7. I'm thinking always. Unless I'm exhausted, in shock, or doing something that completely deadens my brain(like video games. Oh blessed video games without you I would go crazy)

8. I HATED English class, which is weird because I love reading, I've now learned I love writing, and I'm a perfectionist so you think I'd enjoy knowing all the rules so that I don't look a fool in front of other people.

9. I am a deeply emotional person but unless you're incredibly close to me you may never actually see it other than when I'm on stage.

10. It's a big thing if I cry more than one tear. I can count the times I've shed more than one tear in the last 5 years on one hand.

11. I hate normal swear words, not because I'm offended by them but because they make people look stupid. People use them wrong! It's annoying! Swear words are expletive because they are words of power! But if you don't care about the holiness of sex WHY do you use the f word? What does it matter that you're referring to planting seed?! (Just so you know, when I hear the f word used I automatically insert the phrase planting seed...if I ever laugh at you for using the f word. You now know why) People have cheapened swear words to the point where they are no longer offensive so that makes their use obnoxious, unintelligent and grammatically incorrect. That is why I feel they make people look stupid. Also, I enjoy the fact that whenever people hear me swear(especially if I ever swear at them in anger) people are shocked and astounded by the way I use them.

Now it's time for Jeannie's questions for me!

1 If you could be an animal you would be?

Eagle, I LOVE EAGLES. Also, Dragon would be more preferred over than. Second Gryphon, then eagle. Eagles in my mind represent power, beauty, grace, and freedom.

2. Why do you blog?

Because everyone else was doing it! (Seriously, that's why I started my blog) I continued because I had things on my mind. Remember the I'm always thinking thing?(see #7) This gives me a place to put those thoughts down so that I can stop obsessing over them in my head. 

3. Favorite piece of furniture (and it can't be your bed!)?

My bed actually isn't my favorite piece of furniture. I don't enjoy sleeping I wish I didn't have to do it. I like my couches though, they're comfy. 

4. What is your signature dance move?

Probably the Tango...Okay, maybe not. I'm gonna go with pelvic thrust.

5.Character in a movie/book you related to most?

Can I go with all of them? I read books because I see myself in the main character. From Bilbo's curmudgeonness and desire for a warm bed and bacon to Rand Al'Thor's desire to just do good despite the fact that he's destined to be the world's destruction and, in his death, it's savior. (The Hobbit and the Wheel of Time series)

6.Number one place you never want to go?

I can't think of anywhere I never want to go. There's beauty in all places and in all things. All of it is God's creation.

7. Worst fashion mistake of all time?

My everyday wardrobe? Maybe? Haha, I don't give a lick to fashion, if I can say to myself before I go out I look good then it doesn't matter what other people think of me. 

8. Favorite word?

THERE ARE TOO MANY GOOD ONES! I love words, there are so many fantastic words in this world. That's why I love theater, poetry, and most especially literature! The way some authors can paint entire worlds with just words astounds me! I love all words and Shakespeare was perhaps the greatest wordsmith of all time. 

9. Guilty pleasure? 

Theater! Haha, I devote myself to it every day of every year. If I could be happy without theater I would have so much more time to devote myself to more "productive" things, but theater is my life and I would want it no other way. 

10. Thoughts on breakfast?

Don't enjoy it, I love love love love love love breakfast foods. I don't like eating in the morning though.

11. If you were a tree, what tree would you be?

I'd be the burning bush? Is that blasphemous? Seriously though, I love fire. But I would be an out of place giant one sitting atop a lonely mountain with a view of the entire world.

Now it's YOUR 11 questions!
1. Favorite mystical/mythical animal?
2. Favorite place
3. Most random childhood memory
4. What is something about yourself that you're proud of?
5. What is something awesome about yourself that I may not know?
6. Favorite number.
7. What are your feelings on the matter of cheese? 
8. Favorite book or series, if not possible favorite genre.
9. A quote you love?
10. Someone you look up to in history
11. Someone you admire in present day?

So... I don't read 11 blogs. But here are the blogs I DO read.
Jeffe at Jeff's Thoughts and Stories
Jenfer at Only a Little Sugar Coated
Mellen at One in a Mellen
Mary at For What We Can Not Understand
(I also read Jeannie Leigh Jones, whom was mentioned in the beginning of this blog. But I can't "tag her back" I'll get in trouble.)

Graduating/Shabblefrack

 Once upon a time, I was in therapy. I say was because I...graduated? It was kind of funny going in for my last session. We talked about how I'm not completely better, I could still work towards a life without my BIG anxieties.(Y'know, the ones that make me feel like a terrible person.)He and I both felt that I showed incredible improvement from when I started therapy. I honestly feel like I'm not in a constant state on anxiety.  Yes, I still get anxious, but I get anxious rather than my anxiety level rising to unbearable levels and my body shuts down.(along with my brain and emotions) So basically, I've gotten better though I won't ever be "cured."

In an effort to make sure I stay in my improved more healthy state of mind, we also talked about looking at life through a different lens. Rather than starting on the inside, from where I feel my self worth is, look at the things I've done from an outside perspective. Let my actions define my self worth rather than my perceived blown out of proportion view of the world.

 (For those of you not aware, basically I'm really good at accepting people for who they are, their flaws, and their amazing goodnesses(totally a word)  Myself? I hold myself to a higher standard while placing myself below everyone. As such, someone else does something stupid I look at it in an almost condescending way and say that's okay. I do something stupid? I become the most terrible person in the WORLD. Truth. Well...that's what my head says. )

So now, we continue with the last words of advice. Don't let my blown out of proportions be my looking glass. Find a different perspective to look at. Specifically for me, this is in regards to self worth. Because based on observations and hints from my friends. I have reason to believe I might be an awesome guy. This is surprising to me because clearly, I am the most terrible person in the world. He even gave me a a nifty worksheet for me to right my crazy down on and then find a rational response to what just happened. Unfortunately I'm still working on even identifying when I have one of those crazy thoughts; but I'm getting it!

This is kind of an amazing thought to me, because I'm in love with a song from Prince of Egypt called Through Heavens Eyes. Because those are they eyes I strive to see myself through. Because God has granted me the amazing gift of seeing my friends through his eyes. Sometimes I struggle with it, yes. Sometimes I refuse to believe what I'm seeing or ignore it or take it for granted, yes. But God has granted me that gift to see others that way. Yet I've never allowed myself to look at me that way. I look through my looking glass of "I'm not worthy", of "Why would someone care for me?", of "Idiot", "Monster", "Crazy", "evil, sinner, wrong."

Basically, what I'm trying to get it at is this. I'm saying, "Go suck it Justin, you're awesome no matter what you say about yourself. Yeah, you're gonna mess up sometimes. That won't make you an idiot. Yeah, you're gonna do things you regret. That doesn't make you a bad person. But you know what? You're just gonna say, ShabbleFRACK" (because sometimes it's more fun to make up a curse word than to actually swear) And say, "SHABBLEFRACK," again just for emphasis, "Justin, gosh darnnit, you're still awesome because you do things like make up swear words, hold the door open for people to go through, make people smile on a daily basis, laugh like there's no tomorrow, love everyone around you, and you're going to sing your heart out because that's what you do. Those are the things I love about you, and I've heard some other people say they love that about you too. Justin, just say Flibblegack and remind yourself that you're awesome Justin. You deserve it." 

Accepting Yourself

Once upon a time I had a very intense conversation with my parents and sister. Laying out all my faults, fears, and monstrosities. The reasons why I don't like me...No, that's not strong enough, the reasons why I hate me. Which I do, for many reasons. The next day, after my intense conversation, one of my dear friends Jeannie Ames asked me to write a post on loving and accepting ourselves as we are...My first reaction was... OMG I miss your face Jeannie Leigh! My second reaction, to the other things she said made me cry(literally, I ACTUALLY CRIED! If you're new to my writings, that doesn't happen a lot) The last was that since this is something that I feel like I struggle with myself and yet maintain an edifying positivity to those around me.  I decided I should write this. That was a week ago, I've been trying to think about this nonstop... but the right words didn't ever come until I stopped thinking about it.

First off, think of who you are. Why are you that way? Is that a person you do or don't like? For me, it's a person I hate. Do you hate yourself, the way you look, your personality, the way you treat others or don't? Why do you feel that way? For me, I put everyone else on a pedestal. I view everyone else as Godly and amazing and perfect. Clearly when something goes wrong it's because I did something wrong. Is that correct? NO! It's 100% false. So examine yourself, do you place others on pedestals either above or below yourself? Because you feel other people(maybe not all) are better or worse off than yourself? Here's really what I'm getting at, define how you view yourself and those around you. Is there a problem there? For me, I hold myself to a standard of perfection. I berate myself with my failures as a daily exercise. I use those failures as proof I'm not good enough to succeed. I use them as justification from shying away from the success I feel I should have had by now. Then I use the fact that I hold myself back as further proof of my failures and the likelihood of me failing again, so why even try? This is what I suffer from, there are a myriad of things that anybody can suffer through.

Now, if we've defined some, not all we're taking baby steps here, of our problems we can begin to change ourselves towards a more positive light. So here's where we brag about ourselves. I tell myself, I'm not a failure, I have brought good into many people's lives Jeannie thankfully among them. My family among them. Despite my failures, I can still go on and do all the things I've wanted to do. I HAVE had successes in some of the things that mean most in my life. For me, I LOVE theater, I crave it with every fiber of my being and guess what? I'M GOOD AT IT! Despite the fact that sometimes I feel I'm not good enough to succeed at anything I continue to succeed at something. I guess what I'm trying to say, is no matter how much you dislike yourself there is ALWAYS something good in you. If you can't find it, ask someone, they'll find it for you. Here's my recommendation though, sit down for at least 10 minutes(but 30 is better) and right down good things about you. ANYTHING GOOD! Find things to love about you. Find one thing a day to accept. Then every day read that list and add one more. This can be anything! Including, I smiled at a stranger today and they smiled back. While working out today, I did my best. Anything that makes you feel good about who you are, write it down and appreciate it about yourself. If you are struggling with finding these things in yourself, once again find someone that loves you and let them shower good things about you upon your head. If you struggle finding a person in your life that will do this for you, then go do something for someone that you can be proud of. Go do the thing your best at and be proud of that.

Now here's the hardest part. (well, at least for me it is) If there's something about you that you've done, something about you that you don't like. Say to yourself, that's a part of me. I love me for that. I accept this in my life, and I can grow and learn from it. This will be a part of me forever because it is a part of me today. I am not defined by my failures, I am not controlled by my fears or shame, I will always in my life have good and bad parts of me. These things do not define me or control me. They are a part of me always and I strive always to accept them into my life, to learn from my failures, to conquer my fears and to seek my dreams.

Now I know the kind of psychological disorders that cause us to look at ourselves with shame, fear, anger, or what ever emotion it is that is driving you to punish yourself in some way; they're intense, they're deep, they're very much embedded into our personality and our life philosophy. These things are going to be life long battles, but there is always hope for when you've learned once that you're worth loving it's easier and easier to learn again. Know that if ever you struggle in life there will always be someone there that will help you see that you're worth loving if you let them. Some days you will be weak, some days you will be strong. Sometimes you'll want to give up and sometimes you'll be on top of the world. Accept these days the same, they are what have shaped you into the person you are today and they are the things that will shape you into the person you dream of being.

These are just some thoughts I've had on my journey, my grand adventure called life.
Justin Stockett

PS. Something that will help, that you should know. Know that God loves you, God accepts you for who you are. God remembers not your failures and glorifies your successes. He loves you more than anybody on this planet ever could comprehend. If you're currently struggling with seeing God in your life then once again sit down and look at all the things to be grateful for, the more you open your eyes with gratitude the more miracles we see every day.

PPS If you're reading this on my blog, here's the link to Jeannie's blog(the reason I'm writing this) http://jeannieleigh.blogspot.com/

PPPS If you're reading this and what to read more of my thoughts here's the link to my blog!
http://stockett228.blogspot.com/

PPPPS Here's my sister's blog who has dealt with a billion different issues and is finally coming out on top.
http://stillme-thejourney.blogspot.com/